I sense getting completely annoyed at the thing every time it vibrates because I am facing north.
How does this work inside a steel building? Does it still go off? Just in the wrong direction? And does this now elevate your TSA screening from miserable to nightmarish?
It lost me at "anchored onto his chest via titanium piercings."
Wouldn't it fulfill its function at least adequately, if attached using bandage-like adhesives?