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Discussion: My experience is that signi...

in: CleverSky; CleverSky > 2017-03-10

Mar 11, 2017 2:38 PM # 
My experience is that significant changes is living conditions -- moving, stopping driving, changing/ending various activities -- are really hard to do unless there is some sort of triggering event. The hope is that the triggering event (or events) in itself does not have serious consequences.

It seems like maybe this latest does the job, a clear signal to all that it's time for changes without much physical trauma to mom. How much mental or emotional trauma there may be as changes are implemented can be hard to tell, but dealing with that aspect of change can be the hard part, and the most important.

Good luck with all this. My understanding is that you and your brother (and maybe mom?) are on the same page, which helps a lot.
Mar 11, 2017 5:03 PM # 
Right. Mom is talking about wanting to go home, but that's clearly unworkable since she wasn't able to walk this morning (legs too weak, though she describes it as her feet slipping). So we'll discuss other options, and if she doesn't have a dramatic improvement, she won't be going home at all; if she does, it could happen as a brief interim deal with a lot of assistance while we set something else up. I expect she'll have a new address soon, maybe in a week, maybe a few weeks. The biggest obstacle will be convincing her that it's okay financially for her to live someplace appropriate. She's still at the level of thinking that getting a walker is okay because Medicare will pay for part of it.
Mar 11, 2017 5:28 PM # 
The question may become, to what level is subterfuge OK? For example, telling her that Medicare (or Obamacare, or whatever) is covering part of the bill of a place that she can afford but can't bring herself to spend the money for. I can imagine various possibilities, each coming with their own ethical and psychological hurdles (for all parties involved). Not easy.
Mar 11, 2017 8:40 PM # 
Yeah, she's too sharp for the trick that a friend of mine used. He told his mother that the furnace needed to be repaired, and she had to go stay at a hotel for a few days. The "hotel" was an assisted living facility, and as soon as she got there, her kids sold her house. Which was fine, because in a couple of days she didn't remember that she had a house. Mom has all her marbles, though. I think we may have to just not tell her what the place costs.

I forgot to mention that she did end up getting her taxes done at the Senior Center, and somehow did qualify for the Circuit Breaker (I had done a rough calc and though she was right on the edge). She got $49 back, which earned her a round of applause from the other old folks in the room -- apparently they all act as an audience for each other on tax prep day. :-)
Mar 12, 2017 8:06 PM # 
Not sure how relevant these concerns are going to be -- she's beenmoved tothe ICU, and the way things are looking right now, it's hard to imagine assisted living being an option.
Mar 12, 2017 9:51 PM # 
Oh, that doesn't sound good. Hope it's only a brief stay.
Mar 12, 2017 10:39 PM # 
When you described her as on the floor face down and unable to get up for hours, it sounded to me like there had to be something more serious going on. But I hope it's something they can figure out and do something to improve. Sending best wishes.
Mar 12, 2017 10:47 PM # 
Crap, that's not what you want to hear. Sending prayers your way...
Mar 13, 2017 4:45 PM # 
Slight improvement today, but she's on more serious oxygen and has a long way to go before she can get sprung from the ICU. Maybe the antibiotics will help, there's some kind of infection going on. She can't eat while she's using this oxygen mask, though.
Mar 14, 2017 2:13 AM # 
So sorry to hear about your mom. Not easy for her or for you either.

This discussion thread is closed.