Stop beating yourself up so much! Focus on what you did well a little more. It seems you are doing a lot of things right and you don't often mention those.
Having fun is important so I'm glad to hear you're enjoying it. I'm really looking forward to watching you develop into a top notch racer in the years to come.
And thanks for posting in your log - it's fun to follow along.
Thank you for this, I actually didn't realize how much I've been focusing on the negative aspects of my races and overlooking the positive ones! Guess it's easy to forget that improvement doesn't just hinge on identifying/fixing errors, especially when the competition is so much better. Also, I'm glad to hear you're enjoying reading all this!
That was actually one of my favorite things about Bob Turbyfill's race log.
When you reviewed your courses, you identified both successes and failures in (exceedingly) minute details. Lots of quantifying and figuring out the "why" behind errors and successes.
That fed training.
But before a race, you remind yourself about the things you do well. In detail. No dwelling on what's not clicking or what you want to avoid. And then you go forth and build on those, and hopefully produce some more things you do well.
That said, I think many of us military-types tend to be overly self-critical because we are trained in the art of the AAR. But even that includes "what did we do well?" Sandy's point is well taken. You've done a lot to get here, and you've got further to go. We'll continue to enjoy cheering you on.