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Discussion: That’s/creepy/scary and infuriating

in: Bash; Bash > 2020-08-31

Sep 1, 2020 11:58 AM # 
FB:
did you get his licence plate?
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Sep 1, 2020 12:19 PM # 
veinbuster:
Good thinking, but I probably wouldn’t have
Sep 1, 2020 12:21 PM # 
baloney:
good that you were cautious, bash - ya just never know in those weird situations!
Sep 1, 2020 3:04 PM # 
Bash:
No licence plate. I was too busy eyeing the horse farm beside me and figuring out how many seconds it would take me to hop the fence with my sore ankle. And wondering whether the horses standing by the fence would stomp on me. I once ran with a woman who said her aunt owned that farm so I quickly dug her name out of my memory and was ready to introduce myself.

There were a few interesting things about this experience.

- Since I stopped working in the city, there have been way fewer encounters with creepy men. But as a woman, I realized that I always have my antennae up and am ready to respond to threat. Even in our quiet country life, that aspect of being female always lies just under the surface. It's a fact that some guys don't treat women as other humans and go into Full Creep Mode around them - even if a woman is old, limping and wearing orienteering pants covered with burrs. I've been fortunate to have so many terrific men in my life including AP readers. How the eff do these guys become such jerks? And how exactly does it improve their lives?

- 'Bent was more surprised and disturbed than I was, which shows a difference between our life experiences as men and women. So many of our other life experiences have been the same. This encounter wasn't nice but it wasn't new to me.

- There's another layer that I didn't feel comfortable mentioning but what the heck. The man had an accent and was from a different culture. I'd like to say I don't see colour but in this case, I know I over-compensated. Even though I was nervous when he rolled down his window, I felt obliged not to be perceived as one of those people who gets nervous because of someone's race - like that woman in Central Park. And race had absolutely *nothing* to do with my feelings. I was nervous because this was a remote place and he was a man who showed signs of being creepy. I was willing to put myself at more risk by trying to behave in a non-racist manner, which is dumb. I would have smiled less at a 30-something white guy in a truck with lots of tattoos, which would also be a generalization based on appearance. On the other hand, it would be sexist to assume that a man was going to be a creep vs. just asking for directions on a rural road. But I already had my escape route planned before I knew it was a man at the wheel. So I'm still tossing all that around in my head.
Sep 1, 2020 3:11 PM # 
Super:
If you were my daughter, wife or whatever, I’d tell you to trust your gut without apology and be politically correct another time.

It’s largely up to men to be better and raise better men because even a fucking pig like that wouldn’t like it if someone treated his mum, sister or wife that way.
Sep 1, 2020 3:22 PM # 
kissy:
When I'm in the woods on my own (i.e., not at an organized O event), I am always calculating the best escape route. I am aware of which direction to go through the woods to hit the closest point of civilization. I figure that even though I'm slow, I am much better than the average person at moving through the woods, off trail. A sad statement on what female runners contend with.
Sep 1, 2020 3:32 PM # 
Bash:
Kissy, that's exactly how I think. It would be the same if my car broke down at the side of a road and someone got creepy. My best escape plan is to run into the forest and start going through swamps, over logs and through waist-high vegetation, which I do better than most men. And there would be a huge element of surprise! The one down side is that if the guy happens to be a creepy orienteer (hopefully not too many of those), I'll be in an even more remote area.

Ah Super, I think of myself as your "whatever". :) Good insights.
Sep 1, 2020 7:43 PM # 
Eco:
Oh how frustrating! And yes, sadly it happens. Since I am usually by myself my 'creep' meter is always on the alert and I do carry dog spray in more remote places.
Trust your gut, always!
Sep 1, 2020 9:20 PM # 
Super:
Haha, yes, so I could have said ‘friend’ and the rest wouldn’t change.
Sep 2, 2020 9:05 PM # 
'Bent:
I was surprised and disappointed. Maybe having Bazingadog with you might reduce the creep factor. Sad though if it has to come to that.
Sep 3, 2020 12:04 AM # 
Bash:
I've been wondering what exactly he was doing. He wasn't in a place where he would expect to see anyone walking alone so he wasn't there looking for trouble. Some jerks just take pleasure in making women feel uncomfortable so maybe that's all it was. Or maybe in my burr-covered orienteering pants, I looked homeless and desperate and he thought I might get in his car?

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