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Attackpoint - performance and training tools for orienteering athletes

Discussion: Trying to keep the noise up?

in: BorisGr; BorisGr > 2021-02-03

Feb 3, 2021 9:46 PM # 
To stay on the noisy logs list, you have to get COVID or have a baby. This is a poor third best.

Feb 3, 2021 9:52 PM # 
Well, apparently writing a very long poem doesn't work...
Feb 3, 2021 10:34 PM # 
I was impressed by the poem
Feb 3, 2021 11:10 PM # 
Me too. We should discuss it on this log.
Feb 3, 2021 11:51 PM # 
this is a much better reason to be on the noisy logs. wish it was my reason for being there.

Congrats! So awesome! I'm really excited to see where Grizzly goes :)
Feb 4, 2021 2:00 AM # 
OMG, Bridget, I had to check your log, because I thought maybe you had a baby!
Feb 4, 2021 3:40 AM # 
ahahaha ya, no, no baby for me, just covid. Babies are a good reason to be on the noisy logs
Feb 4, 2021 4:08 PM # 
The poem definitely merited a comment thread. I was holding off for the anthology.
Feb 4, 2021 4:16 PM # 
I have long since accepted that I will never reach Boris' stratospheric (and well-deserved) levels of popularity. Although having a dog AND a child AND moving house AND starting an O club AND being a media personality is starting to get a bit unfair really.
Feb 4, 2021 4:19 PM # 
Did someone say 'anthology'?

Epistemology Strikes Back, or, the Experimentalist's Lament
from "Home-Schooling During a Pandemic: A Practical Guide," Feetprints in your Log Press, forthcoming. All rights, lefts, and centers reserved.

Dedicated to my sister-in-law, who is a theoretical physicist.

"What does a physicist do in the rain?
Our question today, o my daughter.
Will the wash of the raindrops dissolve them away?
Will they frolic and dance in the water?"

"What think you, my children? And how can we know?"
"O dad, can't we give this a miss?
We'd prefer to play Legos." "O no, no, my kids,
We must brainstorm a hypothesis."

"Will they dig with their hands and produce there a ditch
The flood of the waters to channel,
Their fluid dynamicist self all let out
With their pocket protector and flannel?"

"And there count the whirlpools and bubbles and rills
That the rainwater filleth at speed?
Differential equations a-churning away
For predicting the flow, what you need!"

"Will even the shyest ones splash, hop, and jump,
Overcoming their nerd's self-effacement?
For where there's a puddle, there too is a chance
To measure one's fluid displacement!"

"Or maybe with telescopes out they will come,
Seeking to look at the stars,
And scratching their heads at the water that falls
Obscuring their viewing of Mars."

"Or, Millikan-like, will they generate charge
And zap with a spark every drop?
To count the electrons they gave it, my dears,
By how rapidly soundeth its flop?"

"Or accelerate rocks to speeds faster than light
So to throw them - splash - straight at the rain?
And seek in the mess and the splatter and spray
The boson Higgs tried to explain?

"Maybe the place whence they come has import,
Be they Frenchy or Chinese or Teuton,
Or gravity mavens as all English are,
From the time that the apple struck Newton."

"But dad, speculation is never enough!
Let us give observation a chance.
Let's do the experiment, see what they do
For that way does science advance."

"Very good, o my children: I see you've learned well
Your epistemological study.
Hypotheses are but the first of truth's steps
But now we must get our hands muddy."

"We'll drive down to Princeton, and Harvard, and Yale,
Where the physicists live in their setts,
We'll snatch them away from their blackboards and rooms
With our human-sized butterfly nets."

"We'll put them in boxes and bring them back here,
With our bated breath waiting for rain.
We'll feed them with coffee and seminar snacks:
They live on that, food for the brain."

"And then when the droplets of rain start to come -
Which we'll know if we're watching the sky -
When wetness in places is found on our faces,
Then that's when we'll let them all fly!"

"We'll open the cages and let them all out,
And see what the physicists do.
We'll write it all up, with an abstract, I think,
For Science, and, heck, Nature too."

"But, dad, is this really an ethical thing,
This thing you're proposing to do?
For even the physicists - weird as they are -
Don't they all have human rights too?"

"You're right, o my children, an excellent think
Was the thought that your brains made you see.
How could I forget it? We now need to check
With our family's own IRB."

"One vote is for me, and there's one for your mom,
The sum of the votes equals two.
But the casting vote, well, it is also for me,
So approval will surely come through."

So we did it! We drove there, we caught them in nets,
And homeward we brought them again.
Like monks in their cages they stayed there for ages
While we waited the fall of the rain.

And o! All the wailing and gnashing of teeth
And the noises of physics clothes rending.
With the tables turned on them, well, woe was upon them,
It was just like the universe ending.

"But Dad, should we really be keeping them here,
In such loneliness? What a to-do!
They're pining and whining: so let's let them out!
Would you like this to happen to you?"

"You both must stay strong, o my children, my dears,
Do not be at all sentimental.
For progress scientific, we hew with great strength
To our procedure experimental."

"But look, now the raindrops are starting to fall,
And to plash and to splash on the walk.
We'll draw back the bars and we'll let them all out,
And now, it is time, truth will talk."

So we opened the cages, and no one came out!
We stood there all screwed up with thought.
"Well, this is a turn-up, and one for the books.
It hasn't turned out how it ought."

We looked in the cages, and, o! what a mess!
What a scribbling on ceiling and wall!
With dy and dx and a tensor or three
It was clear what had passed all in all.

"My children, we've kidnapped the wrong guys and girls!
These are theorists here in this place!
Though phenom'na appalling be yelling and calling,
They'll ignore them, tho' under their face."

"We could sit here from now until Doomsday's fell crack:
They'll just stay in their cages and stew.
For their seance with Leibnitz is all that they need,
That's all that they ever will do."

"Then, Dad, we have news for you: we're theorists now.
We give thanks for the lesson, we do.
We'll sit here inside doing just what we want,
Lego needs theorists too."

What to make of it all? Well, I scratched at my head,
And I felt quite a sense of dejection.
My lesson Socratic had started so well
But had ended in utter rejection.

So I did the sole thing, the one thing I could do,
I threw out my lab coat and goggle,
My experiment days I renounced, root and branch,
Now it's theory that makes my mind boggle.

So after the cops came and took me away,
To that room of my own called my cell,
I happily calculusated away,
For now I am a theorist as well.
Feb 4, 2021 4:27 PM # 
If only I had grown up with modern popular culture I could have been Lin-Manuel Miranda. I suppose there's still a niche.

'What's your name, man?
William Rowan Hamilton.
My name is William Rowan Hamilton.
Inventor of quaternions,
So just you wait, just you wait.'
Feb 4, 2021 5:51 PM # 
I have quaternions on my other screen at this very moment. Thanks WRH.
Feb 5, 2021 12:53 AM # 
I'm starting to reconsider whether Attackpoint is really the right venue for my next book of poetry.
Feb 5, 2021 1:15 AM # 
You can only make the final call on that after starting a thread with a poem and seeing where it goes.
Feb 5, 2021 7:32 PM # 
Feb 8, 2021 4:28 PM # 
I only, coincidentally, saw the WRH song last week!
Feb 8, 2021 8:30 PM # 
So, ya think there's demand among mathematicians in Dublin for my version? Because that's the market I'm targeting here.
Feb 9, 2021 12:01 PM # 
Huge. At least two. I'd even say you have a good chance of 2 - ijk.

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