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Dirty Bird - 15km Trail Race

Elverson, PA, US
Nov 29, 2015

Type: Running - Local

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added by: hughmac⁴


“Dirty Bird”
15K Trail Run

Sunday, Nov 29, 2015 10:00 AM No Entry Limit!!
French Creek State Park, Birdsboro, PA

Those of you that slept thru History class (or perhaps, all of high school) might be surprised to learn that Ben Franklin initially proposed that our national bird "symbol" be the “Turkey”, not the "Eagle". Thank God that he misplaced his bifocals before he could write up THAT proposal. Eagles fly with grace & great speed; Turkeys, when excited, “flop” up & down like a Sumo wrestler making whoopee. Turkeys also “flock” in the disgusting mud & eats bugs; the more majestic Eagle lives in the billowy clouds & kills prey! Then there’s that disgusting thing on their neck that looks VERY similar to what is going on right below your Great Uncle Sol's chin. Admittedly, entire industries have developed to offset the least attractive aspects of both birds' prominent feature when they occur on humans; the turkey "neck" and the "baldness" of the eagle. Still, the deciding factor for our ancestors was the thought of millions of Americans, each late Nov, sticking their entire arm up the butthole of our national symbol! That would almost be like giving a prostate exam to Uncle Sam!! Now, unlike our nation, the Dirty Bird CELEBRATES the Turkey! During this race, you’ll find MANY of our “turkeys” flopping along the trail like street bums in detox! Some, in fact, ARE! Also, the finish line will be a sea of “muddy flockers”, many with bugs in their teeth! And when it comes to “disgusting things” on a neck, nothing can match the snot-wads and drool that will freeze to yours while you try to expectorate them without slowing down in this event. The Dirty Bird sends you thru BEAUTIFUL French Creek State Park just 3 days after you made a complete pig of yourself! After a short road section to stretch out the crowd, you’ll enter a slightly rolling course; not "shuffle board" flat but not like the Matterhorn either. 85% of the course is on rocky trails, 12% is on dirt road and 3% is on paved road so you CAN blow your nose while running without inadvertently getting it on your forehead! 2M of the trail is also in the Double Trouble (half of which you’ll run in the other direction); the rest you’ve never run on before unless you were stupid enough to do this race in the past! Join the other “turkeys” to run in whatever conditions God conjures up for the day! LEGAL “DRESSING”: YOU RACE AT YOUR OWN RISK & YOU ARE SOLEY RESPONSIBLE FOR GETTING YOUR BUNS OUT OF THE WOODS! Like all runners, we're too weak to drag your body from the woods if you break a drumstick. Also, we don’t look for people that get lost on Sundays since the NFL plays that afternoon. An EMS vehicle will be on site but it'll be stocked with mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, etc so guess what THEY plan to do with anyone they retrieve from the course. IMPORTANT NOTE: Since this is a medium-tuff race, we’ll allow 16 & 17 year olds to enter too IF they have a parent/legal guardian with them at the race. No exceptions; the medics can’t work on under 18’s without permission (not that they’ll have to, kids are all made of rubber!) Entry is also closed to anyone with an excess body odor that doesn’t smell like Gravy and anybody wearing anything with a Dallas Cowboy logo on it; either before, during or after the event. 'Cause NO ONE likes a Dallas fan; not even Jesus or Santa.

GOODIES: Instant results, registration in enclosed tent, results on the next business day, modern johns (no showers), WELL marked course if no one screws with it, lots of parking, 3 water stops, hot & cold grub, course viewable at several points via car, bike or snowmobile, camping/cabins in park (brrr!!! 610 582-9680) Playground right next to registration, pool will be drained by then, much like you from doing the race.

ENTRY: We race at 10 A.M.; reg opens at 8:45. $34 if postmarked by Sat, 11/14, with long sleeve shirt, $39 after cutoff & day of race while shirts last; $32 when gone. FEW “EXTRA” SHIRTS PRINTED over our entry total at the cutoff! Our shirt designs tend to be “memorable” (not like that massive zit you got 14 minutes before your prom picture was taken; the NICE kind of memorable) and they're great conversation starters at Scientology meetings, an Iowa Caucus, K-Mart Blue Light Special sales and AA. So pre-enter so you get a shirt, even if the cutoff has passed (mail it in or go to till midnight on the Wed before raceday) since remaining shirts are awarded on a “first entered, first gets” basis!! We race in ANY & ALL weather; no refunds, no mailed shirts/awards, no racing w/pets unless you stay in last for the 1st mile, no alcohol in park & no entries from weenies and wimps.

IMPORTANT NOTE # 1: While Pretzel City REJOICES in running in highly “interesting” weather, things may get so bad that the Park stops us from having the race that day; roads closed by state, a boy scout hold up in a cave with an AK47, a deer shedding her pelt on course for bucks, etc. DON”T confuse “bad” conditions with “normal” snowfall (before or during the event), shrinkage-causing temps, slow but still drive-able roads, etc.; we race in ALL of those cases!!! Race to be postponed ONLY in extreme cases. In this HIGHLY UNLIKELY case, a message will be put both on the home page of www.pretzelcitysports under "breaking news" and on 610-779-2668 the second that we know & we’ll send out an email immediately but that may not help if I only have your work email. Our regrets in advance to anyone that gets “burnt” from driving in the night before but PCS won’t “control” this; the Park will. IF POSTPONED, NEW DATE FOR THE RACE WILL BE THE FOLLOWING SAT! If postponed that day, we’ll find ANOTHER day and contact all prereg folks; that’s why readable phone #'s and email addresses on your reg form ARE ESSENTIAL! But the probability that we postpone it is about as low as the probability of any person on the Bachelor or the Bachelorette ever marrying the person to which they give their final rose.

IMPORTANT NOTE # 2: PCS shares the Park staff’s desire to limit the impact of any race on its trails. If the trail & weather that weekend require us to do so, we reserve the right to adjust the course, its distance and/or its “percent of trails vs. dirt & hard road” to insure that the trails will not be damaged.

AWARDS: 1st & 2ndM/F +: 0-29: 4M, 4F 30-39: 4M, 4F 40-49: 4M, 4F 50-59: 4M, 4F 60-67: 4M, 3F 68+: 2M, 2F

Directions: Take Rt. 422 East of Reading about 6 miles. Take Rt. 345 South to 2nd light in Birdsboro; left on Rt. 724 East. About 1 mile; go right onto Rt. 345 South. Park is 5 miles ahead on right. Reg is behind main office.
Alt. Way from both East & West: Take PA Turnpike Morgantown exit, go east on Rt 23 until 345 North, take 345N to 1st Park road. Enter & go to T, go right, then go right again to registration area behind main office.
Another Alt. Way from East: Rt 422 to Rt 100 S at Pottstown, take first exit and go right onto Rt 724 West, Go approx 6 miles to Rt 345, take left. Park is 5 miles ahead on your right. Reg is behind the main office.


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