There's a discussion thread -- 12 easy ways to make O' (or whatever you want to call it) our new national pastime. I'd just glanced at it, not really interested, especially given the tone. But I was thinking as I meandered along on my bike this afternoon, hmm, I wonder how corn-maze O' shapes up against Randy's 12-step program.
1. Proposal -- change the name to "Corn Maze Navigation Racing." Response -- you gotta be kidding me. Score -- proposal is expunged.
2. Proposal -- change the name from "Rogaine" to anything else. Response -- for sure, like maybe "Corn Maze Orienteering"? Score -- pass.
3. Proposal -- ban interval starts, mass starts only, unless you're really big, then use wave starts or seeded starts, helps get volunteers home on time. Response -- exactly, we are really big, so seeded starts in the daytime and (mellow) mass starts at night. And our volunteer gets home before anyone else. Score -- pass (with high honors).
4. Proposal -- festive friendly start/finish at same place. Free food and beer. Response -- I assume 5 meters apart is close enough? And the food and beer at Bub's BBQ is all free, once you've paid for it. Score -- pass.
5. Proposal -- friendly staffed aid stations. Response -- Aid starts in a corn maze? Again, you gotta be kidding me. Score -- proposal is expunged.
6. Proposal -- much longer distances, at least 20K. Response -- 20K in a corn maze? Everyone would go bonkers. Again, you gotta be kidding me. Score -- proposal is expunged.
7. Proposal -- one day of racing. Response -- yup. Score -- pass.
8. Proposal -- travel worthy destinations and venues only. Response -- Sunderland, yup, and Mike's Maze, yup. Score -- pass.
9. Proposal -- board trail race requirement, at least 3 20K+ trail races required. Response -- ain't got no board, but our king has done over 100 such things. Score -- pass.
10. Proposal -- allow and promote GPS devices as an aid in navigation. Response -- come on, Randy, don't be so old-fashioned, we're pushing drones this year. Score -- pass.
11. Proposal -- web site improvement -- get your shit together. Response -- Been there, done that. And an award-winning logo too. All done in 48 hours. Got all the people and the interest we can handle. Score -- pass (with high honors).
12. Proposal -- drop the "The World's Smartest Athlete" thing on the web site. Response -- WTF, ain't on our website. Score -- proposal is expunged.
Total score -- of the 12 proposals, 4 are obviously absurd and have been expunged. Of the remaining 8, we are batting 100%.
And this just in, when asked for a comment, Randy's spokesman/interpreter, a fellow known only as j-man, said, "You corn maze guys are fucking brilliant."
Son of a gun, just did a Google search on "corn maze orienteering" and our web site is right there, top dog, #1 item on page #1. I guess we had this SEO thing under control without even knowing it.
And so what if the web site is 2 (or 3, or 4?) years out of date. Our webmaster is a new mom, so cut her a little slack, OK?