| The Sports Union Ball:
It all started so well. Posh bangers and mash and lots of white wine in Assembley, but no dessert because I'm watching my weight. We then got a taxi which was being driven by the only taxi driver in Edinburgh who obviously doesn't know the way to Murrayfield. We ended up getting dropped off round the back by the training pitches, the wrong side of a very high perimeter fence. Being quite generally amazing though, we climbed over the fence and proceeded to the front entrance like total pro's. We then failed to find the front entrance, but got pointed in the wrong direction by a couple of dodgy geezers with cigars. I'n not really sure about what happened when I was in there. I do remember asking the barman for as much alcohol as I could get for £15. Probably only got a double vodka for it though. Some time passed, and things start to get a bit hazey. I remember running through the kitchins with Ed. We got caught, said we were looking for the toilets, to which we were escorted. Apprently I then knocked down a roof tile and chucked it in the bog, but I don't remember. I think we then ran back into the kitchins and found a ncie big door with "fire exit door alarmed" written on it. They weren't lying. Ed cleverly ran off back into the disco. I wasn't so clever and ran off through the firedoor and ended up lost in the stadium. I then made a small detour via the pitch to get back into the venue via the front door. God knows what the door staff were at, there is no way I should have been let back in. I then sat on a chair for a bit, decided I was really drunk and needed to go outside and puke. I didn't quite make it as far as outside before I puked. Infact I didn't really make it much further than standing up. I didn't get any of it on myself though, so that's a bonus. My memory kind of runs out at this point for a few hours.IT comes back, at which point I am getting picked up by the police several miles out of Edinburgh, walking the streets of Balerno on my own, only wearing a kilt and my shirt. They gave me a nice ride home. I then had some issues getting undressed. Shoes proved to be a bit of a problem, and I got a bit of a suprise when I took my sock off to find it litterally dripping in blood. I woke up on Friday with blood all over my sheets, and door, and carpet and wall. I have a massive hole in the back of my heel, cuts and bruises all over my hands, and I am never drinking alcohol ever again for a while... |
