Training Log Archive: ebuckley

Event: Pere Marquette Trail Run
 

Pre-run. Usually try to get up to top of the ridge just as the sun is rising. As it was overcast, I had breakfast first and did it in full light.

Warmup.

Pere Marquette. #16 for me. Times were off across the board this year because of the warm, humid conditions. Took it out right at 1-hour pace and held that to the base of climb 3. Had a feeling I was overcooking, though, and I was right. Dreadful ascents on 3 and 4; losing over 30 seconds on each. 17th overall 2nd in age group.

That's the objective stuff. Now, for the rest. I'll preface with two disclaimers: 1) I wouldn't post this anywhere but here. I'm assuming that people who read my training log as opposed to more sanitized race reports want to know how I really feel about this stuff. 2) If you think I'm an arrogant ass and should get over myself, NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO STOP READING. Don't bother responding that I'm a jerk; I already know that. Don't bother trying to cheer me up, either. This isn't about being bummed.

From the outside looking in; this was an OK result. Objectively, the worst of the last 10 years, but not by a lot. Lots of people congratulated me after the run and I sucked it up and said "thanks" while every fiber of my soul was screaming, "I'm better than this!"

I did that for two reasons. First and foremost, I really do try not to be an arrogant ass when dealing directly with people. I just don't always succeed. Not many people congratulate me out of consolation; it's usually sincere. And if I respond with a bunch of qualifiers, I'm basically telling them that their standards are too low, which is a very shitty way to respond to a friendly gesture.

More to the point, I'm not better than this. I was, but I'm not anymore. And this, of course, is the real rub. If it was just an off day, well, that happens. But it wasn't. The descent has begun. There's no surprise in this. It was a conscious decision made over a year ago. I don't regret returning to school and I accept this as the consequence. But, that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I'm hoping that this transition period is the worst of it. That once I am no longer competitive at all, I'll just embrace the activity for what it is and enjoy it. Empirical evidence doesn't support such optimism. My high water mark in orienteering was 2007, when I scored a couple national titles and, while I still needed to ascend another rung to actually make the US Team, I was at least considered one of the people who might get there. However, by the end of that year, I knew that I couldn't continue to devote that much time to it and decided to back off and just run well locally; with maybe some decent results nationally within my age group.

That's exactly what happened, but I never embraced the lower standard. With Yaya losing interest, I simply could not find the motivation to continue and basically quit the sport.

I've dabbled in bike racing since my pro days, but again, haven't really found it particularly rewarding (though I still very much enjoy riding).

All this was going to be brought about by age, anyway. Grad school has only accelerated the process. But whether by design of default, it still leaves me completely adrift. A very large part of me is dying. And I can't pretend that doesn't matter to me.

C • Reflections 7

Trail Run - Splits

Quick jog to check out the trail conditions for tomorrow. If it doesn't rain, they will be fine. The 60-degree dew point, on the other hand, may be a problem.

Probably too heavy and out of shape to run well at PM, but might as well give it the best chance by taking a full rest day. Plus, I have a final exam tonight.

Fartlek round the hood; roughly 5x3:00T.

In to work via bus.

Home via tracks plus a bit extra.

Into work via bus.

Home from work via Hog's Hollow.

Final seedings for PM came out today. I did get the top seed (14) in 50+, but the field is as stout as I've ever seen. It would only be a mildly off day that would knock me out of the top 3 altogether. Winning will require coming up with a pretty big run.

Castlewood ridge trails with a couple tempo intervals near the end including Love Loop@10:56 which is a bit slow, but will have to do.