Discussion: Chuck Norris vs. Balter? What would happen? Will the universe survive the cataclysm?

It is said that "Before the Boogie Man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."

But, who does Ground Chuck check for? Well, until Chuck loses his edge, he sure as heck checks for Balter.

Chuck is renowned as a tough guy? And Balter? Is there any doubt?

So, what would happen if these two titans met? Would any of us be left to tell the tale? And what if Chuck brings his GPS?

Please discuss.

OK, suppose we've got Keyser Soze and his unwitting crew against a half-dozen Reavers facing off in the Jukola....?

Whose side is Balter on? And who is carrying the GPS? Everything else is noise.

Honestly, I read your initial post too fast and mistook "Ground Chuck" (which I think is a kind of hamburger?) for a mashup of "groundhog" and "woodchuck", and was imagining Punxsutawney Phil being concerned about Balter lurking in his burrow, and wondering if this had something to do with the early arrival of Spring this year.

Balter can be highly diffuse and could easily be detected in a burrow.

Ground Chuck

Balter would probably win this

Not sure -- I'm picturing Balter stranding Chuck somewhere and making his getaway by car, with Chuck in pursuit swimming through the pavement.

Balter? by car?

Rental car.

I was Baltered today. Comfortably 2nd on red sprint runner after runner until almost the course closure. In comes Greg to Balter me by 15s! Chuck's powers are weaker in a forest with trees to hide behind. Hence, on an O course, I pick Balter.

Is this Baltar from Battlestar Galactica? He probably wouldn't survive the political pressure.

I've been baltered multiple times in the past month

j-man, could you please provide some information on the transitive vs. intransitive uses of the verb "to balter"?

to Nate: you have not :), ask your roommate for definition.
To original question: it all depends: to make things somewhat fare is has to be a two stages event: I would insist that orienteering shell be the first event, and then martial arts. Let us say the venue was today's middle blue course. I would think, I have a good chance to win that, and Chuck would loose significantly more blood, than I did. that's would be a good thing for me, but not enough to survive the second part of this silly competition, because as my mom once said, she liked Chuck Norris for his nice kick , using his back leg. (like he had more then one set), So Chuck wins, keep selling total gyms, and I in a long term medical care situation (if I survive at all). So, Chuck wins.

Mother of Balter!

Why does it not surprise me that she likes Kung-Fu fighting? Those cats were fast as lightning.

Balter cannot lose even if he wanted to. Laws of nature cannot be controverted.

Norris would thrash PG to a pulp, if those two were pitted against each other. You say Balter wins against Norris. I believe there's a grudge match coming up soon, Balter vs. PG -- will we wind up with a rock-paper-scissors situation?

next year, I think it is 5 years in making, rules are being worked on by PG

It is a little known etymological fact that "balderdash!" is the English derivative of the old Ukrainian "Balter-dash!"

What rubbish.

Maybe, but Balter definitely reaches to Australia and he is easily offended.

Balter doesn't match his map to north. He moves the world to match his map.

Sounds like this guy doesn't need a map. He just wills it, and it is so.

Drop bears, I sense their presence.

Balter and Norris set new rogaine record...

http://orienteeringhumor.weebly.com/balter.html

Spectacular!

I always thought that O-suite is perfect for any occasion including protection from masterful kicks by any Chuck. My bets are on Balter because he has survived in conditions unimaginable by any Norris!

He is also more pungent, and that counts for a lot.

Yep, so far we even didn't scratch the surface of Balter symbolic powers within the World of O.

BTW, taxi is appropriate mean of trasnportation for real Balter - rental cars are for his imposters.

Greg has never been lost. The woods were in the wrong place.

If Balter lived in TX, tornados would steer clear and head to NYC.

Greg Balter and Superman orienteered against each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

I guess it must have been a tie then.

Balter never looses map contact, the map looses contact with him.

Balter never goes around in circles. The Earth rotates around him.

Balter has already posted his splits, GPS track, and course critique for the upcoming 2012 Jukola relay in his log.

Feats of strength. The airing of grievances.
Chuck better watch out!

Heavens to Betsy.

To continue an idea from another thread...

Tigers use Balter Balm as a "Safe, fast, and effective topical pain relief, without the pills." (http://www.tigerbalm.com/us)

In the above picture, Balter is not doing chin-ups... the tree is coming down to his chin.

Balter will come and spank you all, for wasting your precious time, on some stupid ass like me

A challenge has been laid down:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/nikolaynachev/6950714...

More evidence of super powers!

http://orienteeringhumor.weebly.com